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A kink in the shield

January 8, 2013

Late Sunday evening I started to feel dizzy… As in room spinning… Drunk-without-the-alcohol dizzy… By 5:00 PM on Monday, the dizziness hadn’t gone away and it was making me feel really queasy. I had no other symptoms and as long as I wasn’t moving I felt perfectly fine. I thought it was strange so instead of letting it linger on like I like to do, I headed to urgent care last night and was told that I was experiencing VERTIGO.

Damn it all to hell.

Vertigo Staircase

With vertigo, I could not go to work. I could not take a walk let alone attend Monday night yoga class and I had to find a substitute for my yoga class tonight. So I am sitting at home, staring at my computer screen, not doing much.

This morning, I started the day with a little meditation in the hopes that it would make me feel better. Two minutes in… an emotional dam broke. Tears came flooding out of me. We’re talking body wracking, full-on sobbing, snot running down my face, Ron Burgundy weeping… And I couldn’t stop. The tears just kept coming.

I was scared.

When I closed my eyes to listen, I ran smack dab into a scared yogi.

What if it keeps coming back and gets worse? What does vertigo mean for me and my yoga practice? What if I had to stop doing the things I enjoy? What if I had to change my lifestyle? This person I had become? I’m doing everything right. How could this happen???

You see, I don’t get sick. Not really. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been really really ill. I even escaped my husband’s bout with viral meningitis. I have never been seriously injured. I exercise. I eat well. I get plenty of sleep. I take good care of my body. Fanatically so.

And I guess I felt like I was invincible.

But I wasn’t. Vertigo has shown me that. I was terrified. And humbled.

I am reminded that life holds no guarantees for us. That try as we might and as healthy as we are – things happen. Beyond our control. No one is immune. Not even the most health-conscious.

I have calmed down since my weep-fest this morning. Although I have yet to find the words to allay my fears and give me comfort. For now I am simply acknowledging the possibility that I am overreacting and senselessly worrying myself.

Photo via Flickr (Creative Commons) by Ewar Woowar.

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From → Mind

6 Comments
  1. I wish I could be there for you but my prayers will be with you. It’s okay to cry just try not to think the worst. I will talk to you soon. Love you.
    – Mom

  2. Chris Heidenrich permalink

    What a nice mom you have, Sam! What happened after you cried? Did the vertigo start to diminish?

    • Isn’t she, Chris? I have to wonder why she didn’t care to pass some of that niceness on to me!

      I still felt bad after crying my eyeballs out. Sleep helped a lot. It’s day 4 and I’m finally feeling close to normal.

  3. I’ve definitely had those moments where I sobbed because I felt like things were out of my control. Sometimes it helps emotionally but it doesn’t fix the problem. How are you doing now? Have you exerienced any vertigo again since early last month? (Sorry for the very late response, I haven’t touched my Google Reader in ages!)

    • Some problems can’t be fixed and that’s when a good bawl can help. 😉 It actually took a long time for me to be back to 100%. I hovered at 80% for a few weeks. I felt it the most in yoga when I’d come up from forward fold. I’m still hoping it’s just some fluke that never happens again. Thanks for checking in, Michelle! (I’ve been terrible with my Google reader as well!)

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